Jim's Hot Fudge Sauce (This stuff is deadly. Be careful. You've been warned.)
- 1 c. heavy cream
- 6 T. sweet unsalted butter
- 2 c. light brown sugar, tightly packed
- 1/4 t. salt (omit if you're using salted butter)
- 1 c. sifted Dutch-process cocoa
- 1 T. strong espresso or instant espresso
Bring butter and cream to boil; add sugar and stir over heat until dissolved. Reduce heat to medium and whisk in salt, cocoa and espresso. Stir until totally blended. Remove from heat and pour into tightly-lidded jar. Refrigerate for up to 2 weeks (actually, as long as you dare). This stuff is best over Haagen-Dazs vanilla ice cream, as a fondue with cubes of Wilma Faye's Pound Cake, or licked in small quantities with great care off the nipples of someone who has a chocolate fetish as serious as yours.
Those Neiman-Marcus Cookies, Clark-Style
- 2-1/2 c. oats, quick-cooking or quick-cooking multi-grain
- Baker's German's© 4-oz. sweet chocolate bar
- 2 c. flour
- 1 t. baking soda
- 1/2 t. salt
- 1 t. baking powder
- 1 c. butter
- 1 c. white sugar
- 1 c. brown sugar, firmly packed
- 1 t. vanilla
- 2 eggs
- 2 c. (12 oz.) high-quality semi-sweet chocolate chips (I prefer Guittard)
Equip food processor with grating disk. Grate chocolate bar. Remove chocolate; replace grating disk with metal blade and process oats to a fine powder. Add oats to chocolate. To this mixture add other dry ingredients; mix thoroughly and set aside.
Cream together butter and sugars. Add vanilla and eggs. Cream well. Add the dry ingredients. Fold in chocolate chips and, if desired, 1-1/2 c. chopped nuts (not recommended unless you’re nuts for nuts; I'm not, and my second cousin told me she had a lot of trouble working in all those nuts). Roll into balls and place two inches apart on an ungreased, non-stick cookie sheet. Bake for 10 minutes at 375 degrees. If making several batches, allow cookie sheets to cool between uses.
- 1 c. butter (2 sticks), softened
- 3 c. sugar
- 4 eggs
- 2 tsp. lemon juice
- 2 tsp. vanilla extract
- ¼ tsp. baking soda
- 3 c. flour
- 1 c. buttermilk
Preheat oven to 350º . Grease and flour a tube pan. Stir baking soda into flour. Cream together butter & sugar. Add eggs one at a time, beating well after each (turn off mixer when adding eggs). Add vanilla and lemon juice; mix well. Add flour mixture and buttermilk alternately, beginning and ending with flour. Pour into greased and floured tube pan (Pam™ with flour works well, too); bake at 350 degrees for an hour. Cool upright before removing from pan. Optional: sprinkle top of cake with sugar (or, if you're me, sugar-pumpkin pie spice mix) for a sweeter crust. Courtesy of Jennifer McCullen (and Wilma Faye, for the old original).
- 6 cloves of fresh garlic, peeled
- 2 T. butter
- 1/4 c. dry white wine
- 1 14-1/2-oz. can peeled, ready-cut tomatoes
- 1 T. cabernet sauvignon
- 2 t. sugar
- freshly-ground black pepper
- 1 t. dried basil
- 1/2 t. dried oregano leaves
- 2 T. half & half
- enough of your favorite pasta for two
- Parmesan cheese
Get the pasta water started. Slice the garlic thinly. In a medium skillet, sauté the garlic in the butter briefly. Add the wine and cook over high heat until liquid just begins to thicken slightly. Reduce heat to medium; add the tomatoes. Mash the tomatoes with a potato masher. Add the red wine and spices and simmer over medium-low heat while the pasta finishes cooking. Stir in half & half just before the pasta’s ready, and remove from heat. Drain the pasta and divide into two portions. Sprinkle each portion with Parmesan cheese, and top with the marinara.
Clark’s Kick-Ass Salad Dressing
Serves 2
- 2 hard-boiled eggs
- 1 t. Worcestershire sauce
- 1/2 t. Tabasco sauce (or some nice Vietnamese hot sauce, if you have it)
- 1 t. soy sauce
- 1 T. lemon juice
- 1 T. lime juice
- 1 T. "light" Miracle Whip (or mayo)
- 1 large clove garlic, pressed
- 1 T. brown sugar
- 1/2 t. dried basil or 3 large basil leaves, torn into pieces
- 1/2 t. salt
- a few grindings of black pepper
- a dash of nutmeg
- a dash of red chili powder
- a dash of paprika
- 1 T. balsamic vinegar
- 3 T. olive oil
- 1 T. grated Parmesan cheese (optional)
Deyolk the eggs; set whites aside to dice and put into salad. Using back of fork, mash yolks together with the sauces, juices and Miracle Whip. Add garlic and sugar and mix until sugar seems dissolved. Add spices, blend, and stir in remaining ingredients. Refrigerate until salad is ready to dress; stir well before serving. Goes well over mixed greens, romaine, etc.—even iceberg, if you really must. This only makes enough for about two servings, so do what you must to extend it when necessary.
Serves 2
- 1 egg
- 3/4 c. milk
- 2 t. oil
- 1/4 t. almond extract
- 1/2 t. lemon extract
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- 1/2 t. pumpkin pie spice
- 1 c. Aunt Jemima Original Pancake & Waffle Mix (note: only the Original, in the red box, will do)
- 2 T. wheat germ
- 2 T. wheat bran
Stir together dry ingredients in a medium bowl. Beat egg, extracts and oil together in a smaller, separate bowl until lemon-colored (or even until a little frothy, if you like). Heat about a teaspoon of vegetable oil in a non-stick skillet (one for which you have a lid) over medium heat. Stir the milk into the egg mixture, then add to the dry ingredients; blend just until large lumps disappear. Do not overmix! Ladle about 1/3 c. of batter into skillet as many times as it will fit. Cover for 2-1/2 to 3 minutes to let them steam. (Set the timer!) Turn when pancakes are puffy and lose most of their wet appearance. Finish cooking second side and serve with all your favorite goo.
Note: this recipe is pretty yummy without the wheat germ and wheat bran, too.
The World’s Greatest Tuna Salad, if I say so myself
- 2 hard-boiled eggs
- 1 t. prepared horseradish
- 1 t. Worcestershire sauce
- 1 large or 2 small cloves of garlic, pressed
- 1 T. Dijon-style mustard
- 3 T. Miracle Whip
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- 1 heaping T. sweet pickle relish
- 2 small scallions, thinly sliced
- black pepper, in a grinder
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- 1 12-oz. can of tuna, canned in water, drained
- 1 medium Granny Smith apple, very tart and crisp, cubed
First, peel the eggs. This may take awhile if you have small children helping you. Cut the eggs in half so that you can remove the yolks. Then, in a medium bowl, mash the egg yolks with the back of a salad fork. (Cube the whites and set them aside.)
Add the next five ingredients to the smashed egg yolks and mix well. Stir in the relish and the scallions conscientiously. Deftly cover the amalgam with a light sprinkling of freshly-ground pepper. Incorporate. Blend in the tuna thoroughly. Remember the egg whites? Gently fold them in with the apple chunks.
- 1-1/4 c. hot (105º - 110º) water
- 1 T. sugar
- 1 packet or 2-1/4 t. yeast
- 1 t. salt
- 1 t. garlic powder or 1 clove pressed garlic
- 4 c. flour
- 1 egg, beaten
- kosher salt
Dissolve the sugar, yeast, salt and garlic in the hot water. Add the flour, a cup at a time, until dough stops sticking to your hands. (A Mixmaster with dough hooks helps with this stage tremendously.) Preheat oven to 425º. Roll dough into snakes, place on ungreased cookie sheet. Brush with the beaten egg, sprinkle with kosher salt. Bake for 16-20 minutes or until golden brown. Serve hot with mustard, cheese, or what have you.
I got this off the back of a bag of beans. To lower the fat content, use low-fat sausage and substitute cubes of lean turkey ham for the ham hocks.
- 1 lb. ten-bean soup mix (just the beans -- get them from the bulk bins if you can)
- 3 T. creole seasonings (Tony Chachere's is good)
- 2 ham hocks
- 1 10- or 12-oz. beer (Guinness stout, maybe?)
- 2 c. chopped onions
- 2 c. chopped celery
- 2 cloves garlic
- 2 cans stewed tomatoes (okay, so I use the ready-cut kind)
- 2 whole jalapeño peppers*
- 2 mild banana peppers* (get these in a jar—look around in the olive & pickle section)
- 1 lb. sausage, sliced
- 1/2 lb. raw deboned chicken, diced
- 1 lb. peeled shrimp (optional)
Wash and drain the beans, removing any foreign material. Combine beans, 7 cups** water, beer, ham hocks and seasonings* in large stock pot. Bring to boiling and reduce to simmer. Chop onions, celery, and garlic fine and add to soup. Dice stewed tomatoes, removing cores and add to pot along with peppers. Simmer covered for about 2 hours, stirring occasionally. (Stir carefully—broken peppers allow seeds to escape, which are the hottest part.)
Before adding remainder of meat, remove ham hocks and trim off fat and bone. Also remove peppers. Return ham meat to soup with bite-size pieces of sausage and chicken meat. Simmer 1½ hours longer or until beans are soft. If using shrimp, add 15 minutes before serving. Serve Cajun-style, over rice.
* For milder soup, omit peppers and add seasonings to taste. ** Reduce to 3½ cups if beans are pre-soaked (see below) and reduce cooking time to 1 hour before adding meats.Pre-soaking the beans shortens the cooking time by about half and eliminates most of the undissolvable sugars in the beans which are responsible for bloating and excess gas. Either soak beans overnight or quick soak by bringing beans to a hard boil for 2-3 minutes, then remove from heat and let soak 1 hour. Always discard soak water!
Clark’s Green Chile Chicken Enchilada Lasagna Casserole
Sauté one large white onion, sliced, in butter and/or oil 5 minutes. Remove from pan. Over medium-high heat, brown 6 chicken thighs (or 4 leg quarters) 5 min. each side, seasoning with salt and pepper. Return onion to pan, reduce heat to medium, cover and sweat 20 min. Add 3 c. boiling water, 3 cloves garlic, roughly crushed, and 1 bay leaf; simmer, covered, another 30 min. Remove chicken pieces. When cool enough to handle, remove skin, fat, bones etc. and add to broth. Continue to simmer while you pick through chicken meat carefully, discarding any inedibles. Strain and defat the broth.
Wash several sprigs of cilantro thoroughly; discard stems. Chop finely and whisk into 15 oz. ricotta cheese along with one egg, ¼ c. shaved parmesan cheese, and freshly-ground black pepper. Set aside.
Sauté one jalapeno pepper, seeded and minced, and one large white onion, chopped, in 2 Tbsp. butter and 2 Tbsp. oil. Add 1 Tbsp. cumin and 1 tsp. oregano. Stir in 4 Tbsp. flour and cook through. Add enough of the broth to make a thick sauce. Add 1 lb. chopped, peeled, seeded green chile and the chicken. Heat through.
Ladle ½ c. sauce into large soufflé dish. Cover with one layer corn tortillas, tearing into shapes as necessary. Add a layer of ricotta mixture and a layer of shredded mozzarella/provolone from a slider bag. Repeat layers, ending with mozzarella (use the whole bag, about 2 cups). Bake at 350° 45-55 min. Let it stand 5-10 minutes before serving.
Step One: cook the meat. This is the easiest thing in the world. You’ll need two cups of chicken broth, two smoked turkey wings, and a 2-3 lb. lean, boneless chuck roast (the kind that looks like it would cook up all stringy is actually good; even brisket works). Throw it all into your 6-quart crock pot and turn it on low. Four to six hours later, you’ll have your meat. Debone, deskin, defat and cut into bite-sized pieces. (A big thank-you to Chris Kimball and America's Test Kitchen for this step. Go you huskies!)
Step Two: cook the vegetables. Chop up two medium onions (white or yellow or one of each) and one large green bell pepper. Mince at least 3-4 cloves of garlic (or be lazy and use a couple of Tablespoons of the stuff from the jar you keep in the 'fridge) and two jalapeno peppers (no seeds, and only as much pith as you can stand--that's where the heat really is). Get out your biggest chicken frying pan or a Dutch oven. Saute all of that in 1 Tbsp. olive oil and 1 Tbsp. butter until the bell peppers aren’t looking quite so cheeky, then add 1 tsp. cumin and 1 tsp. garam masala and cook through.
Step Three: start opening cans. You’ll want:
- 3 cans of beans, rinsed in a colander (mix and match dark red kidney beans, Great Northerns, pinto, pink, or black beans -- they all work well)
- 1 can petite-cut tomatoes (with its juice); rinse out the can with about 6 oz. red wine and throw that in too
- 1 small can tomato paste
Step Four: put it all together. Add the canned items to the vegetables, along with:
- 1/3 cup molasses
- 1/2 cup red wine vinegar
- 1 Tbsp. liquid smoke
- 1 Tbsp. Chinese black vinegar
- 14 oz. frozen chopped green chile (this will be the hardest ingredient for you to find if you don't live in New Mexico)
- 1 jar of restaurant-style salsa
- 1 to 1.5 cups chicken stock (or the strained, defatted liquid from the Crock Pot™)
Add the meat, make sure everything’s well-coated and evenly distributed, and throw it all into a large roasting pan. Bake uncovered at 350° for an hour.
- 3-pound pot roast of beef
- 2 tablespoons olive oil
- 2 tablespoons butter
- 3 cups thinly sliced onions
- 2 teaspoons salt
- 1/2 teaspoon freshly-ground black pepper
- 1-1/2 cups dry white wine
- 1 cup peeled, diced tomatoes
- 3/4 cup sliced carrots
- 1/4 cup sliced celery
- 1/2 teaspoon basil
Trim the fat from the meat. Heat the oil and butter in a Dutch oven or heavy skillet; sauté the onions until soft and yellow. Add the meat and brown on all sides. Season with the salt and pepper. Add the wine; cook over high heat 5 minutes. Add the tomatoes, carrots, celery, and basil. Bring to a boil, cover and cook over low heat 2½ hours or until the meat is tender. Slice the meat and serve with the gravy. Serves 6-8.
Peggy's Incredible Artichoke/Crab Dip
Blend together in a medium to large bowl until well-mixed:
- 5-6 oz. thawed, frozen crab claw meat, squozen of excess moisture
- 1 large can of artichoke bottoms (about 5), drained and finely chopped
- ¾ c. mayonnaise (light is okay)
- 8 oz. pkg. cream cheese, softened (light is okay)
- 1¼ c. shredded mozzarella/provolone cheese medley
- ½ c. shaved parmesan cheese
- 1½ Tbsp. dried parsley flakes
- 1½ Tbsp. dry sherry
- 1½ tsp. minced fresh garlic
- a few sprinklings of freshly-ground black pepper
Turn everything into a 9" soufflé pan and bake at 425° for 25 minutes. Serve with toast points, crackers, a nice fresh baguette, those nice white rolls from the Fiesta market, or what have you. Whatever you serve it with, it's yummy, and Peggy's a dear for letting me give it to you (even if it did take me half a dozen years to get it right). Of course, as tasty as this recipe is, it's really the poor man's version of the "real thing," which you can find here.
In a three-quart saucepan, stir together 12 oz. (2 cups dry measure) Guittard dark chocolate chips, 1 t. vanilla and 1 can sweetened condensed milk over low heat until smooth. Add 1/2 to 1 c. chopped nuts, if desired. Pour into 8"x8" pan lined with wax paper, chill. Dip pan in hot water when you're ready to turn the fudge out onto a plate and cut into 1" squares.
